Rest In Peace

my maternal grandmother passed away this morning. i hadn't had a clue of what was going on really until my cousin called me in the afternoon.

mum didn't even called to inform me.. i wonder why... she gave up on me? probably thinking i'm just an unfilial child with no respect for the elders..

my cousin immediately took a bus back from kl.. and here i am sitting at home... sigh~

i haven't been back to baling for years now.. couldn't remember when was the last time i went back nor saw my grandmother. probably 2 or 3 years ago.. i'm such a bastard i suppose.

*ps - need a drink

homeless

guess what...

i forgot to pay my electric bill again. so i'm homeless... taking shelter at a friend's house.

my friend is GREAT. provide me shelter for the night and a tot of whiskey.. whee~~~

the silver lining of my cloud - whiskey.....

a year on

a year has since pass from when i started working. the year just whiz by effortlessly without any significant event. with neither a personal breakthrough nor achievement, i'm still stuck in a bad rut.

am asking myself - why am i still a failure? who shall i consult? what should i do? where changes must take place? how to make things work? when will i break this dry spell?

i tried not to give up but all my efforts had been futile. a person can only take so much rejection and accept so much disappointment.

i'm slowly withering away.

agony caused by YOU

the intensity of this bewildering agony caused by pining for you is beyond comprehension.

how do i make it through this?

i told myself not to miss you. by the end of the day, you're still hogging my mind. smitten by the thoughts from yesterday. bitten by the imagination of tomorrow.

DAMN YOU! Get out of my mind and give me back my sanity.