the impossible

i am actually exploring the possibility of the impossible.

i always land myself with weird concoctions. it makes me wonder sometimes, can i just be normal. being normal to me is just abnormal. unnatural.

what an ordeal

40 hours awake with no sleep. it's been a while since i've done it.

let's hope everything will be fine.

Rest In Peace

my maternal grandmother passed away this morning. i hadn't had a clue of what was going on really until my cousin called me in the afternoon.

mum didn't even called to inform me.. i wonder why... she gave up on me? probably thinking i'm just an unfilial child with no respect for the elders..

my cousin immediately took a bus back from kl.. and here i am sitting at home... sigh~

i haven't been back to baling for years now.. couldn't remember when was the last time i went back nor saw my grandmother. probably 2 or 3 years ago.. i'm such a bastard i suppose.

*ps - need a drink

homeless

guess what...

i forgot to pay my electric bill again. so i'm homeless... taking shelter at a friend's house.

my friend is GREAT. provide me shelter for the night and a tot of whiskey.. whee~~~

the silver lining of my cloud - whiskey.....

a year on

a year has since pass from when i started working. the year just whiz by effortlessly without any significant event. with neither a personal breakthrough nor achievement, i'm still stuck in a bad rut.

am asking myself - why am i still a failure? who shall i consult? what should i do? where changes must take place? how to make things work? when will i break this dry spell?

i tried not to give up but all my efforts had been futile. a person can only take so much rejection and accept so much disappointment.

i'm slowly withering away.